A Few Thoughts on the Grocery Trolley...

Caution: The following post does not necessarily shine a good light on the shopping cart. If this is a potentially offensive topic, refrain from reading. Thank you. Signed, Peeved Anonymous

     Multiple times I have gone into the store in order to, well you know, buy some items (of importance or not is irrelevant here). These items are most efficiently carried in the use of a rolling device known quite universally as the shopping cart or buggy and not so universally as the "grocery trolley" (by not so universally, I mean, I just made this up). However, there have been many times I go to grab the shopping cart and find it sopping wet which means my hands are now wet which means I can't function until I find a towel with which to dry my hands. This also means that whatever I place in the cart will get wet and in order to prevent this I will instead try to carry stuff in my hands which negates the use of the cart to begin with. Not acceptable.

    

     Okay, okay, so we get past the "sometimes wet" cart and begin to think of the functions of the cart itself. What is the cart's purpose? Answer: to give ease to the shopper by allowing him/her/it to select a large number of items that would ordinarily be impossible to carry on one's own. "Ease" here is a word that means "to make something ordinarily difficult or rather impossible become possible or easy (and correspondingly cause no annoyances whatsoever)." The ease which the cart often provides me is quite regularly accompanied by one or both of two annoyances: the squeaky spinning singular wheel or the European style of all 4 wheels having equal mobility resulting in the rather difficult task of turning the cart right or left. 

     First off, the squeaky wheel. How often do you, upon entering the grocery store, being faced with the bazillion carts from which to choose and under the pressure of the public eye, quickly choose a cart only to regret the decision you made seconds later? I've experienced this many times. I find that after a few seconds of pushing my cart down the aisles, there happens to be one single wheel that does not believe in conformity. This wheel has ventured into a realm of its own, leaving the others behind as it spins in quick 360 degree turns over and over again. As much as I would like to applaud the wheel for not bowing under peer pressure from his wheelie comrades, I do not. For what does this spinning wheel mean for me, the casual shopper? An irritating squeaking noise that persists through the entirety of my shopping experience. Not acceptable.

    Secondly, when I stayed in France I discovered the European shopping cart. Their style makes no sense whatsoever to me. All four wheels of these carts have full fluidity of movement. Meaning, none of the wheels serve as an anchor. Whereas here in the states, the front two wheels of the carts have this fluidity while the back two can't turn right or left. I didn't realize how much I appreciated the stabilizing wheels until I loaded a cart down in France and then attempted to turn right into an aisle. Instead of actually getting the cart to turn, I ended up crashing into the aisle display itself making a loud noise and getting many stares ( probably accompanied by "stupid American" mutterings under their breath). But in my defense, making any semblance of a sharp turn with these buggies is absolutely impossible. Control of the cart is minimal as each wheel has a mind of its own in this situation. And what, may I ask, is this world coming to if we, the consumer, lose control of the grocery trolley? Not acceptable.

     Oh and have you ever seen those carts that require coins in order to use them?  They are common in Europe but I've seen them here in the States too at places such as IKEA (which happens to be one of the best stores in the world and not just because of their nifty furniture... ever had their meatballs? No? Go. Now. I mean it. Why are you still reading this? They are INCREDIBLE... especially with the lingonberry sauce. YUM). Um where were we? Oh yeah coin-required buggys. See, the problem lies in those times where you are in a hurry and/or can't find or don't have any coinage on you because then you are left with no options for carts (and really, there is only so much furniture one can carry with their hands.. most I've managed is a loveseat and three bookcases and that was pushing it for me). Have I mentioned the meatballs that IKEA has? I suppose there are good aspects of these coin-required carts in that the only way to get the coin back is if you return the buggy to its original location. This would eliminate the extraordinarily annoying carts in parking spots that make Walmart a nightmare to park at. Meatballs.That is, it would if everyone actually cared enough to get their coins back. I still feel like people would be too lazy to care and the problem would persist, especially if it's just a quarter they would be losing. And that is most definitely not acceptable.

In conclusion, viva la meatball!!! Oh sorry... did I get off topic? That doesn't happen often (meatballs). Well, I guess all that is left to say is that while the grocery trolley does indeed benefit mankind in many ways that does not negate the small peculiarities that are unnecessary and annoying. Perhaps that's just me, but I guarantee we've all been annoyed by Mr. Squeaky Wheel at least once in our lifetime.. can I hear an amen (followed by a resounding MEATBALL!)???



    

That darn cone!

      So let's say, you drive, walk, run, bike, jump, fly, or apparate to your favorite ice cream shoppe (pronounced SHAWP) one scorching Saturday afternoon anticipating the refreshingly cold and deliciously sweet semi-soft treat that will soon be yours. You step up to the counter. The plethora of flavors are swimming before your eyes, so many options, what to choose? The heat produces beads of sweat on your forehead, or is that stress? You ask yourself vital questions such as "Do I want cookies, candies or nuts in my ice cream? Do I want something colorful, like "Fruity-Tooty Rainbows and Sunshine Sprinkled Surprise" ? How much? Two scoops, four scoops, big scoops, small scoops? What if I want two different flavors in one?" Finally, after much contemplation and frustration, you've settled on your choice. You look at the cashier and all in one breath, like the guilty confessing to their crime, you burst out "Minty Fresh Double Chocolate Cookie Chunk, triple scoop please!" Exhale. Relax. Stressful part done, now it's time to wait and enjoy. Except not. The cashier begins to put your order in only to pause, look up at you and ask "Cup or cone?"... Another decision. Sigh. You quickly attempt to work through pros and cons of the choices only to blurt out "CONE!" unable to take the pressure any longer. Then you wait, watching the ice cream pros place three perfectly shaped scoops on your sugar cone, a treat ready to be devoured. Finally, your choice is placed in your hands and you commence the simple and fun task of eating it.

     Troubles over, right? False. At this point, all SHOULD be easy sailing, but alas it is not. You're eating the ice cream, skillfully licking and biting in order to prevent unsightly drips from the inevitably melting dessert, when quite suddenly you feel cold liquid running down your hand and your arm. In one glance, the truth is revealed: the ice cream in the cone that has melted due to the warmth of your hand is now falling through the hole at the bottom of the cone, causing a chaotic sticky mess. At this point, the only solution is to scarf the treat down, meaning you are not even able to savor the deliciousness that took you so long to decide upon. What a dismal state! Ice cream is gone, you are sticky all over and napkins are no help whatsoever. The only thing you can do is shower. And seeing as how you are standing in or near the ice cream shoppe, this is not a convenient solution. Which means, you will remain in said sticky state for an unknown amount of time. What should be a pleasant and exciting trip to one of the most glorious places in the world has now turned into complete and utter disappointment, all due to a singularly insufficient sugar cone. The only advice I can offer is this: next time, go for the cup!

So my philosophy stands as such: "no mess" cones at all times, please, or no cones at all. And before I get hoards of raging mad cone-fans knocking at my door, I will say this: there are many acceptable cones in the world. I'm merely pointing out that there are some rather unacceptable ones that take the joy out of the exuberant happiness that should come from the indulgence of "the ice cream cone." 'Nuff said.